Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
false alarm. still invincible.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
