I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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