Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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