I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
