Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
These tits shall not be calmed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
