I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
