addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
