Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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