sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
