i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
