Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
