Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm passing your future prison.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
