Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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