so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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