The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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