Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
