I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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