Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize