They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
