he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
