And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
