While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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