Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
