tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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