can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
