do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
