why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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