At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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