This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my being single is dangerous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
