When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
