I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
