So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
