i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
