whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
