mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
