Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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