Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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