be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
