I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
