your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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