yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
