btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
