i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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