Christians are straight up FREAKS
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
