i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
