When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
...so i touched it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize