3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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