this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Found the puke drawer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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