i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
