NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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