I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When are your genitals available?
I love you. Go after that dick
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