i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
