Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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