you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
