he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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