He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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