You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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