my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
