this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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