OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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