and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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