Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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