dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
