according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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