do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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