i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
