Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
