saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
