I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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