She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
