garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
