My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
