just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
