I can text with my tongue
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
