Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
